My Dad is a collector of jokes. He loves to hear them, and he particularly loves to tell them. Most of the time when Brad and I go to visit, he’ll say, “I’ve got a new one for you.” (Almost always closely followed by, “it’s not a very good one…”)
Unfortunately, WE don’t usually have a new one to tell HIM. Not a lot of people in our generation are that into telling jokes. I mean, we like funny stories and one liners and ironic quips, but the traditional, set up, a-man-walks-into-a-bar type jokes are not as common any longer.
This is a shame! Hearing and telling jokes was a big part of my upbringing. They’re great because they usually revolve around a kernel of truth or insight that is worth knowing. Like a fable (but more fun), they can teach you an important lesson in a more memorable way.
Over the years, my Dad and I developed a short-hand language, where we would use the punchline (or another memorable line) from a joke to communicate the full meaning behind it. And this is a tradition that Brad has really embraced upon entering the family. So when I was searching for a meaningful gift to give my Dad for his birthday, doing something with these punchlines to demonstrate what he taught me over the years was the perfect solution.
I designed graphics of the punchline of six of our favorite jokes using my favorite graphic design software – the starter edition of Serif DrawPlus. It is free, easy to use, and I just can’t believe how much I can do with a free product. I’ve been meaning to write up a tutorial of my favorite features, so I’ll do that in a future post. The font I used was Gill Sans Ultra Bold, which I stretched and manipulated to fit the space I had. I then had the graphics printed on large photo mugs from CafePress.
I love how they turned out! I didn’t go for full-blogger-credit and set up a styled tea party to show them off, but I did line them all up all neat for a photo. Hopefully that will get the point across.
Since you don’t get a styled tea party, what I will do is tell you all of the jokes that inspired the mugs. These are six of our favorites, and these lines are staples of our conversations. Divining the higher meaning is up to you! (Don’t worry, it won’t be that hard.)
OK, stop me if you’ve heard this one…
An old man, who had been deeply religious all of his life, was talking to his God.
“God,” he said, “I have been faithful to you, I have worshiped you. I have followed all of your laws. But the one thing I’ve asked of you – that I win the lottery – you have not given to me! When my children were young, and I lost my job, I prayed that I would win the lottery. Instead, I lost my house. When my parents were old and needed care, I couldn’t afford it, and I prayed I would win the lottery. But I did not, and they died destitute. I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me. Why have you forsaken me?”
He goes on like this for a while. Finally, God responds, and in a booming voice from the heavens he says, “Meet me halfway. Buy a ticket!”
This next joke comes from a old record that was a MAJOR hit with my Dad’s family, called You Don’t Have To Be Jewish
A train car full of people were riding in amiable silence, when an old man got on.
He immediately started complaining loudly. “Oy! Am I thirsty! I am so thirsty.” The passengers shifted uncomfortably, but the man kept talking. “I haven’t had a drink in days! Oy, I am so thirsty.”
Finally a woman went over to him with a bottle of water. “Here, Sir, drink this!”
He gulped it down and then immediately started talking loudly again.
“Oy! Was I thirsty!”
This next joke is the one out of the bunch that I actually heard elsewhere and contributed to our family tradition. (The others are all ones that I learned from my Dad.) It is also used in Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time, and other science speeches and publications to illustrate the same point.
A brilliant professor was giving a lecture on his theory of the universe to a rapt auditorium, but he kept getting interrupted by an old lady in the back going “humf!” every few minutes. Finally, he stopped his speech and called out to her.
“Excuse me, do you have a question?”
“No, but your theory is bogus,” she replied. “You say the earth revolves around the sun. Everyone knows that the earth is sitting on the back of a giant turtle!”
“But tell me,” he asked, “what is the turtle standing on?”
“Why, the turtle is standing on another turtle.”
“OK, but what is THAT turtle standing on? What is the final turtle standing on?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, “it’s turtles all the way down!”
My Dad learned the next joke from his grandfather – my great-grandfather – Jacob, for whom my brother, Jake, is a namesake. He was a man who understood both wisdom and humor, which is probably inter-related.
A family was out to a nice dinner, and was just served the first course – the soup course – when the man called the waiter back over to the table.
“Excuse me, would you taste the soup?”
“Why,” asked the waiter, “is it too cold?”
“Taste the soup.”
“Why, is it too hot?”
“Taste the soup.”
“Why, is it too spicy?”
“Taste the soup.”
“Okay!,” cried the waiter, “but, wait, where’s the spoon?”
“Aha!”
A traveling salesman was driving down a country road one evening, when his car broke down (as cars are wont to do in jokes like these). He walked about a mile down the road before coming to a farmhouse, so he went up and knocked.
The kind farmer who answered the door said he would drive the salesman into town the next morning, and invited him in to spend the evening with his family. The salesman joined them in the living room where he saw the farmer’s wife knitting on the couch, a little boy and girl playing on the floor by the fire, and a three-legged pig sitting in an armchair reading a newspaper.
The salesman settled in, but eventually his curiosity got the best of him. “Excuse me,” he said, “but what is the deal with the three legged pig sitting in the armchair reading the newspaper?”
“Well,” said the farmer, “that is one special pig. Little Billy was out helping me on the farm one day when we lost control of a tractor. He would have been run over and killed, but the pig came out of no where and risked his own life to push him out of the way. He saved his life!”
“Wow,” said the salesman, “that’s amazing. But it really doesn’t explain why there is a three legged pig sitting in an armchair reading a newspaper?”
“That pig has done so much for us. Little Sally was having trouble with her math class and we could’t figure out how to help her. She was going to fail! But the pig sat with her every night and they did her homework together, and now she gets straight As!”
The salesman was getting frustrated. “Wow, that is one special pig. But I still don’t understand.”
“That pig is like a member of the family. My wife and I were having financial trouble, and we thought we were going to lose the farm. But that pig sat down with us and we went over all of financials of the farm, and we came up with a plan to cut costs. Now, we’re saving enough to send the kids to college!”
“That’s great,” said the salesman, “but WHY DOES THE PIG HAVE THREE LEGS?”
“Oh,” said the farmer, “well, a pig like that, you don’t eat all at once!”
The Synagogue is in uproar! Every week, during the saying of the Shima, the congregation devolves into chaos. Half of them think that they should stand at this time, and half feel that they should sit. The standers stand, and yell at those seated to get up. The sitters remain stubbornly in their seats, and yell at the standers to sit down.
It is entirely out of hand, so the Rabbi, who is new, decides they need to consult with the oldest member of the congregation, who has been confined to a nursing home for years, and ask him about the true tradition.
So the leader of the standers, the leader of the sitters, and the Rabbi, go to visit the nursing home.
“Sir,” says the Rabbi, “we are having a problem when it comes to the saying of the Shima. The Synagogue is in chaos, they do not know whether they should sit or stand! We need to know the tradition that we are supposed to follow.”
The leader of the standers jumps in. “We are supposed to stand during the saying of the Shima! My family has always done so.”
“Hmm,” says the old man, ” I am having trouble remembering, but yes, I think standing is the tradition.”
“But, wait,” says the leader of the sitters, “some of us believe that we are supposed to sit! We have always remained seated!”
“Ah, yes,” says the old man. ” I do remember now. Sitting is the tradition.”
“But they can’t both be the tradition!” cries the Rabbi. “What we have right now is chaos. Some sit, some stand, and they all yell!”
“Aha!” said the old man, “THAT’S the tradition!”
In addition to jokes, my Dad is a big fan of a relaxing morning with the newspaper, drinking his way through a pot of coffee. So this gift is totally useful!
Amos Tversky, one of the founders of behavioral economics, wrote this note to his son, Oren:
I feel that in the last few days we have been exchanging anecdotes and stories with the intention that they will be remembered, at least for a while. I think there is a long Jewish tradition that history and wisdom are being transmitted from one generation to another not through lectures and history books, but through anecdoes, funny stories, and appropriate jokes.
Hopefully this has assured my Dad that I have been listening all these years!
P.S. Do you know a joke with a deeper meaning? If so, share it, please! I’d love to have something to contribute when he next says, “I’ve got a new one for you.”
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That is the coolest gift ever! I’m sure your dad loves all of them. I grew up on a farm so quite frankly the pig joke is my favorite. Thanks for making me smile!
Thanks, Barb! I love that one, and also love that it allows for a bit of “meta” joke telling at the beginning, with the very common traveling-salesman-breaks-down-and-goes-to-the-farmhouse-overnight setup.
I know your Dad must have LOVED this gift…but what did he SAY…I’m dying to know.
I think he was pretty thrilled! We definitely had a lot of fun talking about the jokes I had chosen, and the other good ones that didn’t make the cut. We obviously know and use more than six jokes, so there were a lot of solid contenders!
Oye, thanks for the smile…I think the pig joke was my favorite.
I hadn’t thought about it, but that tradition of joke telling will be impacted by technology. Isn’t it funny how certain people have a talent for remembering, delivering jokes and the desire to tell them? A friend of mine, who worked for UPS, was a welcome sight, since a string of jokes could always be assured when he arrived. Why couldn’t I ever remember them as much as I swore I would?
I grew up in southern Connecticut and the influence of New York City and their large Jewish population, with their history of humor, had a huge impact on me. I wonder, if in our politically correct world, some people worry about being offensive or offending toward others? I belive the spirit in which the jokes are told has a huge impact.
Thanks again for the smile!
That might be my favorite, too! It is a long tell, but so worth it.
I totally think that technology is responsible! There just isn’t the need to set up the scene and narrative verbally when videos and gifs are so easy, and everything is searchable and sendable. I’m not complaining – I LOVE gifs and videos 🙂 But I am greedy and want it all.
I’m so glad you enjoyed it Susan!
Thank you Naomi. What a great start to my day as I drink my morning cup of coffee!!!! As your Aunt and Dad’s sister, I, too, have heard most of these jokes several times but due to way that Dad tells a story and the “timeless” humor inherent in all of these jokes, I laughed and smiled as i “heard” them again.
THANK YOU for sharing!! Aunt Suzy
Thank you! I am positive that my “internal joke voice” will always be my Dad’s. But it was really fun to write them up for myself, as I probably have come to tell them slightly differently than he does. That is part of the fun! I am so glad you liked it!
What a lovely gift! I have always loved the “turtles all the way down” story. I have a particular friend that between us, we reference it frequently.
You might enjoy this version of the story: http://xkcd.com/1416/
OMG, that is great! I love xkcd – I didn’t know they covered this! I’ll be sure to send that to my Dad.
ha! this is fabulous–the perfect Dad gift! Well, not my Dad. He doesn’t tell jokes. I wish he would. But my father in law sure does!
Thanks, Gretchen! I thought it was pretty perfect. I’m quite pleased with myself, actually.
ok, I thought of two I can share. 🙂
this one is very, very old, and rated G for all audiences:
At sea, there was a terrible storm, and a ship unfortunately sank. All were lost except for three fortunate men, who washed up ashore a nearby island.
Unfortunately, the island was deserted, and though they waited and lit bonfires, no rescue ever came.
One day, after several years, a mysterious lamp washed up onshore. One of them picked it up and rubbed it with sand to see the inscription.
Magically, a genie appeared! “I can grant three wishes,” he said. The men agreed that they should each get one wish.
The first one said, “I miss my home and family so much. I wish I were home!” and poof, he disappeared.
The second one said, “I miss my home and my dog and my favorite hamburger joint! I wish I were home too!” and poof, he also disappeared.
The third one thought for a few minutes and then said, “Boy, I sure do miss those guys. I wish they were back here!”
=========================
This one you must tell very, very carefully, out loud. I rate it PG… maybe PG-13. 🙂
One day, a man walked into a bar where beautiful piano music was playing. He looked for the piano player but couldn’t find him immediately. Finally he noticed that behind the bar, on a miniature piano, was a tiny man, perhaps a foot tall, playing the instrument for all he was worth.
The customer asked the bar tender, “where on earth did you find a musician like that?”
The bartender replied, “I wished for him.”‘
The customer still didn’t understand.
The bartender withdrew a talisman from under the bar. “You want it?” he asked. “I have no use for it any more.”
“Does it really work?” the customer asked.
“Oh yes,” the bartender replied. “You will be amazed.”
Eagerly the customer took the talisman. “How does it work?”
The bartender replied, “You just hold it in the palm of your hand and tell it what you want.”
Meanwhile, the piano music continued, as miraculous as ever.
The customer held the talisman and said loudly, “I wish I had a MILLION BUCKS!”
At first, nothing happened.
Another customer came through the door, and trailing behind him was a duck.
Then several more ducks came through the door.
Then more, and more, and more. Soon the place was filled with ducks. The customer looked at the bartender and shouted, over the quacking, “what’s going on here!?”
The bartender replied, “You don’t think I wished for a twelve-inch pianist, do you?”
Thank you so much, Nicola! Those are great. A million ducks… hilarious! Enunciation is important 😉
I can’t wait to share these with my Dad. I think he’ll love them.
Love this! Found you over at I heart naptime! Would love if you shared on Friday Favs over at http://notatrophywife.com
And, thanks for the Serif.com link. Just added it to my 10087 things to check out! ha! laura
Thanks for the suggestion, Laura! I shared it and couple other projects over at your site. I assume this is a weekly – what time does it post?
Hope you like Serif, let me know what you think!
I love these! Turtle’s all the way down is in a song I’m currently into and I find ourselves saying that punch line to each other once in awhile.
Melanie
http://www.theseblankwalls.com
How cool – what song is that? Its a great line. Thanks for reading!
What a thoughtful gift!! I love this idea! My dad doesn’t really do jokes but he has some “Dadisms” for sure! Using them as a gift is a great idea! Thank you so much for sharing!
Thanks, Katie! “Dadisms” would be so great on something like this!
So cute! Great for any occasion.
Thanks, Stephanie!
hi naomi
thanks for linking this up! It’s a Friday Favorites feature! Party goes live tomorrow night thru weekend. laura
Thanks, Laura! So excited you like it enough to share!
Dear Naomi,
I think you have created the sweetest, deepest and the most meaningful way to tell parents that part of them became part of you. Sort of “non omnis moriar” thing. Your Dad knows that you have inherited not only his eyes or hair, but also his soul.
Two days before reading about your “punch-line mugs” I was thinking that I remember all the stories, jokes, sayings and anecdotes my Mum was telling me (she died 28 years ago). I wish I knew about your idea before that…
Here is one of Her stories- maybe you and your Dad will like it.
It happened in 1937 in Poland. My Mum was graduating from secondary school. Among other exams they had to pass, there was written exam of German language (a paper they had to write in German during the exam)
My Mum knew German fluently (thanks to Grandpa, who used to say “you should always know the language of your enemies and your neighbors”, and at this time in Poland German was a combination of both).
Anyhow, my Mum was so good at German that her class-mate, whose German was very poor, asked her for help. They had spent some time repeating grammar and vocabulary, and my Mum, seeing that the situation was hopeless, offered him that she will write a paper which he could just re-write during the exam.
For some reasons they were all certain that one of the topics for paper during the exam will be about German poet Goethe – so my Mum wrote a paper about Goethe’s life and his works and gave it to her colleague.
But ,contrary to their expectations, none of the exam topics concerned Goethe!
They were about completely unrelated things, including “My thoughts over a soldier’s grave”.
Without hesitating for too long, my Mum’s class-mate wrote:
“ I am standing at a soldier’s grave and I am thinking:
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe was born on 28th August 1749 in Frankfurt….”
… and so on, till the end of the paper that my Mum prepared for him.
And guess what? He has passed the exam. Not for his knowledge of German, but for his coping abilities.
So this was one of Her stories.
At my home there were always, and still are, books with Jewish anectodes. They are in Polish (as I am Polish, living in Warsaw). I am sure you have them in English, too, and your Dad knows them all – but if not, I can scan them and send it over to you. Poles are everywhere so you will probably find someone who could translate them. Just let me know.
By the way, my Mum had absolutely no Jewish roots. But for me, Jewish sense of humor and Jewish attitude always felt so close that I thought I must have “something in genes”. I asked my Mum about it many times and each time she definitely neglected (My Dad died when I was two, no family left, so she was the only source of information).
Few years after she died I was searching for my Grand-Grand-Grandfather death certificate. I knew nothing except for his first and second name (Jan Wagmajster, which sounded Polish-German to me) and the year of his death (1905). In the Municipal Archive, after some search the lady came back to me and she asked: “Jan Wagmajster, son of Mosiek and Lejba?”
Well, in Polish, Mosiek and Lejba are the most archetypical Jewish names you can imagine.
I almost fainted. And I will never know whether my Mum knew about it or not.
Anyhow. Thank you for sharing the idea of “punch-line” mugs. But first of all, thank you for your thoughts and feelings that have led you to this idea. I cannot imagine anything that would express daugher’s love in a better way- so deeply, thoughtfully and accurately.
All the best to you and your Dad
Kalina
Kalina, what an extraordinary comment. Thank you for your story! I will absolutely tell my Dad, and I’m sure he’ll tell it to others, as well. It is perfect.
I agree that these anecdotes and jokes are what stick with you… just a small trigger and you have all the memories and the meaning behind them! I am sure that your Mum would find it so meaningful that you remember and tell her stories, still. And I would love to see some of those anecdotes! Growing up, my Dad would have many books of Jewish jokes. I still remember where they were on the bookshelf in the living room. I would go and take them often to read. It would be so interesting to see if there are many in common!
That is so funny to discover possible Jewish roots! Genetics or not, there is a real culture of humor and attitude, as you say.
Anyway, thank you for your comment. It was so meaningful for me to receive!
What awesome memories you’re making! Love it.
Thank you, Michelle!
haha I love these and I love that it has such a cool story behind it with you and your dad!
Thanks, Tianna! Things are always better with stories 🙂
Love the gift idea and love the story behind them more what a wonderful gift 🙂 Thanks for linking up to Pin Worthy Wednesday, I have pinned your post to the Pin Worthy Wednesday Pinterest Board.
Thank you for sharing them, Amberjane!